I suck at flirting, and I’m awful at taking compliments…

In an attempt to make my blog more personal and less about news you can find elsewhere, I think it’s time I started opening up about my life experiences. When I started blogging a few years ago, it was just me making observations on my Myspace page. And suddenly I began to notice that a lot of people were actually reading what I had to say.

Empowered by this admitted ego boost, I migrated to WordPress where for a while I had a pretty good run of continuous blogging and constant updating. But then life got in the way. And when it did, I just lost all desire to write on here.

But then it dawned on me. The reason I didn’t enjoy it was because my blog had morphed into a place that was rarely about my personal experiences.

So here I am today. Talking about something that I noticed about myself today.

I fucking suck at flirting, and I am awful at taking compliments…

On the exterior, people tend to think I am the type of person who has everything together. And I do for the most part. While I share a lot of information about myself to family and friends, a lot of the info I share can be useless. A lot of what drives me is usually kept to myself. And when it comes to my personal relationships, those are usually left a mystery to everyone. I’m just a firm believer in the less you know, the better. And that sometimes backfires and people usually jump to conclusions that a guy like me, single, pretty decent looking, always with money in my pocket, has to be some sort of secret Manwhore/Player who has em’ lining up.

The answer? A resounding no. Why?

I am still the nerd I was in Junior High School. Knowledgeable about a lot of nerdy useless shit. And I tend to have unfortunate flashes of nerdiness every now and again. I was teased, picked on, and as a result of this normal right of passage for teenagers I can be a bit awkward socially at times.

I didn’t always look like the confident man I am today. Back then I had bad acne, wore big clothes and was into rock music (a no no for any kid growing up in the hood) and no one really paid attention to me in that “he’s so cute!” way. I was only good for advice, being the reliable best friend, and for using my brain to help figure things out for others. And while I pride myself on still good at those three things all these years later, whenever I get attention now, or am told I “look hot”, I make an uncomfortable laugh (like the latent dork that I am) and I quickly change the subject.

Years later you realize how those formative years in JHS and HS can really give you weird baggage that you carry over into adult life. But oddly, I don’t really mind being this way. I’d rather be a nice guy with a good reputation for being a nice guy than a huge raging douchebag who starts believing my hype. And while I would like to dispel the notion in some folks heads that I am the former and not the latter, there is really no point anyway. In life, general assumptions are the norm. So why bother?

What I can do is work on accepting compliments better while also returning them. And maybe I can work on my comebacks with regard to flirting. I may be good with words but in those situations, all that happens in my head right before the snappy comeback comes out of my mouth is something like the final scene of “The Sopranos”. Just a quick cut fade to black that leaves me looking silly.

In the end while a whole lot has changed about me physically since JHS, I find this a bit endearing. I think I’ll keep this part of myself the same. It’s a good way to stay grounded I guess.

Does anyone else have this similar issue? Or am I the only fool who is good at writing and talking about things that don’t involve the subject of Love?

B-

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