The Casting Breakdown for the “Friday The 13th” Remake makes me angry!

Jason Reloaded Jason Reloaded

The prospect of a “Friday The 13th” remake really excited me when I originally heard the news that Michael Bay and Platinum Dunes were going to be in charge of it. After all Platinum Dunes successfully brought back Leatherface to popularity with their 2003 remake of the “Texas Chainsaw Massacre” (My Review). 

Another thing I was happy to ignore is the fact that “Friday The 13th” has been remade 9 times already. Each film after part 1 was essentially a reboot of the series. But hey, Jason was finally coming back in a solo film so I didn’t care. Jason Voorhees is one of my favorite movie villains. I also liked the news that Marcus Nispel got the directing job for the remake. Marcus directed the TCM remake, and he has the ability to make a small budget movie look expensive. 

So what is my problem? 

My problem is the stupid ass casting breakdown that went out this week. The character descriptions prove that this will be another stupid ass horror movie that goes for camp and laughs instead of scares like “Freddy vs Jason”. I am now officially over this project.

Here are some gems from the cast breakdown: 

LAWRENCE: Black, early to mid-20s. Good-looking and funny as hell. He’s smart and is already trying to get his own company started. He puts on a white sounding “good ol’ boy” voice when talking to his business associates. 

Now explain to me what this backstory has anything to do with Jason killing kids in the forest? Seriously, that description is on some dumb and borderline offensive shit. “White sounding”? So what the fuck does that mean? That white people sound a certain way? I don’t know about you, but even with my Puerto Rican heritage, English is my first language. Improper use of the English language during inappropriate times annoys the hell out of me. Adding to this, one of my best friends is white, and when we are hanging out he uses all of the slang words and phrases that I use. 

But wait, there is more! 

WHITNEY: Caucasian. Mid 20s. Younger sister to Clay. Pretty and strong girl. She has the smarts and the will to survive in the most desperate of circumstances. 

CLAY: Caucasian. Late 20s. Older brother of Whitney. He’s good-looking and has a quiet inner confidence. He’s a dedicated and smart guy. All the girls definitely find him attractive.  

CHUMBLER: Caucasian, early to mid-20s. A little chubby, but he wears his size well, along with his cool chin beard. He has a tendency to make wear his attraction to attractive girls on his sleeve. He has no shame. Please submit your funniest character actors.
 

What the fuck kind of name is “Chumbler”?  

One of my problems with casting breakdowns like this is the fact that all of these characters sound so different from one another that you wonder why they are even friends. I don’t know about you, but my friends all act similar to me and share a similar sense of humor, you never wonder how or why I am friends with someone I hang out with. But when you read this casting breakdown you can’t help but ask yourself a big “Why the fuck are they even friends?” 

Despite this breakdown, I really hope that this movie is taken seriously. Camp and self referential gags worked in 1997 with “Scream”. It’s not going to work again 10 years later. Especially when the “SAW” films inexplicably got other horror movies on lockdown.  

Platinum Dunes needs to realize that “SAW” is their main competition. Especially when “SAW IV” had the power to make “Rob Zombie’s Halloween” come out in August, and “The Mist” come out in November.  

Let’s not forget how “SAW 3” also shitted on the chances of “Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning” making any money last October. So if I were Platinum Dunes, I’d be looking for some payback.  

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2 Comments

  1. […] the Casting Breakdown made me upset yesterday, this script spoiler from the guys over at CHUD got me a bit curious about […]

  2. […] the casting breakdown for the new “Friday The 13th” remake pissed me off, I’m still most likely going to see the movie. I’m a die hard fan, and I even saw […]


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