Which Horror Movie Remake Is The Best?

Leatherface 

With the dreaded remake of “Halloween” hitting cinemas tomorrow I was thinking to myself. Which horror remake was the best so far? Remakes of horror films usually suck. Often they are pointless (“The Wicker Man”, “Psycho”) but when they work they really work.

There are a lot that quickly come to mind and I compiled a list. With each new Halloween Remake trailer I see, the more I know that film wont ever make it on this list. What a shame.

The list is in no particular order by the way.

“The Texas Chainsaw Massacre”: While I can argue that “Leatherface: The Texas Chainsaw Massacre Part 3” was essentially a remake. This move was the one credited with the title of remake. This movie did was remakes should do. Take the original premise and make your OWN movie. People may hate on this film hardcore, but truth be told, it takes the pacing of the original film up several notches. It’s not an Academy Award winning movie by any means, but it is a good quick and dirty slasher film that pleases its audience and makes no apologies. BTW the film ushered in the era where Jessica Biel went from WB reject to hot.

“The Ring”: Anyone who tells you that the original “Ringu” is scarier is a fucking liar. While both films are not scary to me, the remake is a great film. The look, atmosphere, and acting all click. The protagonist is effective, and the story is solid. When I watched the remake I was bored to tears. The way Sadako killed people was unintentionally hilarious. Picture a freeze frame on scared Asian people’s faces, and that is the jist of the film. Fucking stupid if you ask me.

“The Thing”: One of John Carpenter’s best films. It’s a great movie with animatronic SFX that still hold up in 2007. The scares are plenty, Kurt Russell is bad ass. And the creepy atmosphere that sets in and makes you care about what is going to happen next helps sell this movie. It’s a great film that any self respecting fan of the horror/sci fi genre should own.

“Dawn of the Dead”: Is the best zombie action film hands down. It takes the same premise of the original but makes another film entirely. And it works because you are not constantly watching the movie and comparing it to the original. The story sucks you in completely. And sure the director (Zach Snyder, “300”) blows the majority of his load in the first 10 minutes of the film, but the rest of the film that follows the very gripping opening sequence is still good (even if it never matches the tension of the first 10 mins).

“Invasion of the Body Snatchers”: The 1978 version with Donald Sutherland is great. To this day my mom and I scream at each other like the crazy people who were taken over by the aliens. Another remake that came out in the 90’s with Gabrielle Anwar was also good. Too bad the remake with Nicole “I’ve Sold Out” Kidman was an inconceivable wreck according to Rotten Tomatoes, yup I didn’t watch it. Do you think I’d pay money to see such dreck?

All in all, remakes can be good. If you bring something new to the table. All you gotta do is remember why you are remaking the movie to begin with. Because the original has a devoted fan base. So please them while making a film that will resonate with general audiences and you will have a hit. And remember, don’t explain too much. Leave the audience asking questions. The “Black Christmas” remake sucked because we knew too much about the killer. Sure the chicks were hot, but that doesn’t make up for bad writing.

If I want to see naked girls get stalked, I’ll rent “Slumber Party Massacre” again.

And memo to Hollywood: If you remake “Night of the Demons” and there is no scene where a possessed partygoer puts a lipstick tube into her nipple, there will be hell to pay.

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