This is what I now do with my free time….

Yup, it’s come to this. After I come home from my newfound extended stays at the gym, I tell my DVR to scour the SoapNet channel to record every episode of “Dallas” that airs. And while I am laying down recouperating from a work out, I watch. And I am officially hooked on a TV show that started airing before I was even born.

I’m already caught up with a lot of the show. And it’s funny, I never realized how good or groundbreaking the show was. And now I hear that they are doing a movie remake and it’s going to be a comedy? Come the hell on….

1st: The “Let’s remake an old TV show as a comedy” nostalgia came and went with “The Brady Bunch Movie”. Not a single remake of a TV show redone as a broad comedy has really worked.

2nd: Who the fuck is the audience for this? Do you think young people are going to pony up money to see a comedic remake of a show that started and ended before most of them were even born?

3rd: Why would a studio think that fans of a well regarded night time TV Soap (one that set the bar for other TV shows) and a show that basically CREATED the “Season Finale Cliffhanger” structure we are so used to watching now on TV, would want to see their favorite TV show remade as a joke?

And finally, John Travolta as mutherfucking J.R. Ewing? Seriously? I’m sorry but Larry Hagman owns the role, and if John Travolta is going to play J.R. the way he plays every other bad guy he plays, then I seriously quit this bitch. What is up with these people? The resolution to the infamous “Who Shot J.R.?” episode was seen by more than 360 million people world wide (90 Million in the US). Don’t disrespect a successful show with such a stupid idea.

A straight forward remake would totally work today. It is not as if a movie about a wealthy oil family in Texas (head by a conniving president) wouldn’t resonate with today’s audience.

“Dallas” made as a serious drama now would make the most sense, no? Save the comedy for “Dynasty”. That shit was more ridiculous anyway. “Dallas” sure had their crazy moments (And yes the show went downhill after the “Dream Season”.) But their cliffhangers were always shocking.

Above is the beautiful Pam Ewing, a main character since the show started in 1978, meeting her demise in the 1986 cliffhanger.