Here’s A Vintage Myspace Blog

I was on the train and I noticed something foul the other day.

I was staring at the Subway map and realized that all of the Bronx trains went to certain points all over the Bronx, but none of them went cross town.

How ridiculously stupid is that? Did the MTA decide that all Bronx people current and future would have cars?

I mean how is a typical broke dude with no car supposed to visit his girlfriend in Riverdale when he lives in Eastchester? Sure he can take the damn bus (I personally wouldn’t be dating if I was broke, but that is just me.)

So you take the bus. Then what? Forget going to visit a girl then leaving late at night, because buses stop running, and that leaves a dude ASSED OUT walking home down Pelham Parkway as the drunken party goers who just left XBar zoom by laughing at him walking while they are in their Mustang.

Here is the current map that shits on poor people:

And here is my expertly designed map that was made to make the subway more efficient and save long distance relationships in the Bronx:

As you can see, I made a train line from Riverdale to Pelham Bay, connecting the two places with the highest concentrations of slow old people together. Now they can get to foot doctor appointments and bingo games in a more convienient and faster manner and stop clogging up the buses.

I connected Parkchester and Burnside just because I felt like it. I wanted to draw a blue line somewhere so I did.

I extended the 6 train all the way to Orchard Beach and City Island, because I would hate taking the 5 or 12 bus to the beach all the time. I did it once and almost had at least 10 fights in the 5 minutes it takes you to get to the beach from Pelham Bay.

I also one time waited like 30 minutes on line behind a row of cars just to eat cheap shrimp at Tony’s at the end of City Island. As I sat in traffic and tried to avoid Fergie’s London Bridge at all costs by changing the radio, I said to myself, this bootleg ass town needs a train.

And I made a train to Queens because those Q44 and QBX1 buses aint shit. And how many Bronx people are offered good jobs in Queens and they have to take the fucking train all the way downtown to take either the E, F, N, R, or 7. Really stupid if you ask me.

So basically the subway system in the Bronx was designed by idiots. Sure you can avoid all of the above by getting a damn car. But whatever.

The subway system designers shouldn’t have been presumptious pricks by assuming that everyone would have a car.

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